The Fortunate Mistress (Parts 1 and 2) Read online

  A HISTORY OF THE LIFE OF ROXANA

  I was born, as my friends told me, at the city of Poitiers, in theprovince or county of Poitou, in France, from whence I was brought toEngland by my parents, who fled for their religion about the year 1683,when the Protestants were banished from France by the cruelty of theirpersecutors.

  I, who knew little or nothing of what I was brought over hither for, waswell enough pleased with being here. London, a large and gay city, tookwith me mighty well, who, from my being a child, loved a crowd, and tosee a great many fine folks.

  I retained nothing of France but the language, my father and motherbeing people of better fashion than ordinarily the people calledrefugees at that time were; and having fled early, while it was easy tosecure their effects, had, before their coming over, remittedconsiderable sums of money, or, as I remember, a considerable value inFrench brandy, paper, and other goods; and these selling very much toadvantage here, my father was in very good circumstances at his comingover, so that he was far from applying to the rest of our nation thatwere here for countenance and relief. On the contrary, he had his doorcontinually thronged with miserable objects of the poor starvingcreatures who at that time fled hither for shelter on account ofconscience, or something else.

  I have indeed heard my father say that he was pestered with a great manyof those who, for any religion they had, might e'en have stayed wherethey were, but who flocked over hither in droves, for what they call inEnglish a livelihood; hearing with what open arms the refugees werereceived in England, and how they fell readily into business, being, bythe charitable assistance of the people in London, encouraged to work intheir manufactories in Spitalfields, Canterbury, and other places, andthat they had a much better price for their work than in France, and thelike.

  My father, I say, told me that he was more pestered with the clamours ofthese people than of those who were truly refugees, and fled in distressmerely for conscience.

  I was about ten years old when I was brought over hither, where, as Ihave said, my father lived in very good circumstances, and died in abouteleven years more; in which time, as I had accomplished myself for thesociable part of the world, so I had acquainted myself with some of ourEnglish neighbours, as is the custom in London; and as, while I wasyoung, I had picked up three or four playfellows and companions suitableto my years, so, as we grew bigger, we learned to call one anotherintimates and friends; and this forwarded very much the finishing me forconversation and the world.

  I went to English schools, and being young, I learned the English tongueperfectly well, with all the customs of the English young women; so thatI retained nothing of the French but the speech; nor did I so much askeep any remains of the French language tagged to my way of speaking, asmost foreigners do, but spoke what we call natural English, as if I hadbeen born here.

  Being to give my own character, I must be excused to give it asimpartially as possible, and as if I was speaking of another body; andthe sequel will lead you to judge whether I flatter myself or no.

  I was (speaking of myself at about fourteen years of age) tall, and verywell made; sharp as a hawk in matters of common knowledge; quick andsmart in discourse; apt to be satirical; full of repartee; and a littletoo forward in conversation, or, as we call it in English, bold, thoughperfectly modest in my behaviour. Being French born, I danced, as somesay, naturally, loved it extremely, and sang well also, and so wellthat, as you will hear, it was afterwards some advantage to me. Withall these things, I wanted neither wit, beauty, or money. In this mannerI set out into the world, having all the advantages that any young womancould desire, to recommend me to others, and form a prospect of happyliving to myself.

  At about fifteen years of age, my father gave me, as he called it inFrench, 25,000 livres, that is to say, two thousand pounds portion, andmarried me to an eminent brewer in the city. Pardon me if I conceal hisname; for though he was the foundation of my ruin, I cannot take sosevere a revenge upon him.

  With this thing called a husband I lived eight years in good fashion,and for some part of the time kept a coach, that is to say, a kind ofmock coach; for all the week the horses were kept at work in thedray-carts; but on Sunday I had the privilege to go abroad in mychariot, either to church or otherways, as my husband and I could agreeabout it, which, by the way, was not very often; but of that hereafter.

  Before I proceed in the history of the married part of my life, you mustallow me to give as impartial an account of my husband as I have done ofmyself. He was a jolly, handsome fellow, as any woman need wish for acompanion; tall and well made; rather a little too large, but not so asto be ungenteel; he danced well, which I think was the first thing thatbrought us together. He had an old father who managed the businesscarefully, so that he had little of that part lay on him, but now andthen to appear and show himself; and he took the advantage of it, for hetroubled himself very little about it, but went abroad, kept company,hunted much, and loved it exceedingly.

  After I have told you that he was a handsome man and a good sportsman, Ihave indeed said all; and unhappy was I, like other young people of oursex, I chose him for being a handsome, jolly fellow, as I have said; forhe was otherwise a weak, empty-headed, untaught creature, as any womancould ever desire to be coupled with. And here I must take the liberty,whatever I have to reproach myself with in my after conduct, to turn tomy fellow-creatures, the young ladies of this country, and speak to themby way of precaution. If you have any regard to your future happiness,any view of living comfortably with a husband, any hope of preservingyour fortunes, or restoring them after any disaster, never, ladies,marry a fool; any husband rather than a fool. With some other husbandsyou may be unhappy, but with a fool you will be miserable; with anotherhusband you may, I say, be unhappy, but with a fool you must; nay, if hewould, he cannot make you easy; everything he does is so awkward,everything he says is so empty, a woman of any sense cannot but besurfeited and sick of him twenty times a day. What is more shocking thanfor a woman to bring a handsome, comely fellow of a husband intocompany, and then be obliged to blush for him every time she hears himspeak? to hear other gentlemen talk sense, and he able to say nothing?and so look like a fool, or, which is worse, hear him talk nonsense, andbe laughed at for a fool.

  In the next place, there are so many sorts of fools, such an infinitevariety of fools, and so hard it is to know the worst of the kind, thatI am obliged to say, "No fool, ladies, at all, no kind of fool, whethera mad fool or a sober fool, a wise fool or a silly fool; take anythingbut a fool; nay, be anything, be even an old maid, the worst of nature'scurses, rather than take up with a fool."

  But to leave this awhile, for I shall have occasion to speak of itagain; my case was particularly hard, for I had a variety of foolishthings complicated in this unhappy match.

  First, and which I must confess is very unsufferable, he was a conceitedfool, _tout opiniatre_; everything he said was right, was best, and wasto the purpose, whoever was in company, and whatever was advanced byothers, though with the greatest modesty imaginable. And yet, when hecame to defend what he had said by argument and reason, he would do itso weakly, so emptily, and so nothing to the purpose, that it was enoughto make anybody that heard him sick and ashamed of him.

  Secondly, he was positive and obstinate, and the most positive in themost simple and inconsistent things, such as were intolerable to bear.

  These two articles, if there had been no more, qualified him to be amost unbearable creature for a husband; and so it may be supposed atfirst sight what a kind of life I led with him. However, I did as wellas I could, and held my tongue, which was the only victory I gained overhim; for when he would talk after his own empty rattling way with me,and I would not answer, or enter into discourse with him on the point hewas upon, he would rise up in the greatest passion imaginable, and goaway, which was the cheapest way I had to be delivered.

  I could enlarge here much upon the method I took to make my lifepassable and easy with the most incorrigible temper in the world; but
itis too long, and the articles too trifling. I shall mention some of themas the circumstances I am to relate shall necessarily bring them in.

  After I had been married about four years, my own father died, my motherhaving been dead before. He liked my match so ill, and saw so littleroom to be satisfied with the conduct of my husband, that though he leftme five thousand livres, and more, at his death, yet he left it in thehands of my elder brother, who, running on too rashly in his adventuresas a merchant, failed, and lost not only what he had, but what he hadfor me too, as you shall hear presently.

  Thus I lost the last gift of my father's bounty by having a husband notfit to be trusted with it: there's one of the benefits of marrying afool.

  Within two years after my own father's death my husband's father alsodied, and, as I thought, left him a considerable addition to his estate,the whole trade of the brewhouse, which was a very good one, being nowhis own.

  But this addition to his stock was his ruin, for he had no genius